I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
