I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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