we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
