ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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