Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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