I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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