I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
