if i can run in heels then i can drive
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
