dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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