anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
