I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
