Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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