We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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