My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
