You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
