it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
