he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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