Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
