I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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