Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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