Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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