On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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