We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
