atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
