quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm like, not good at living.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
