The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
