I have demons in me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
