I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
thus making me awesome and them whores
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
