The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
