you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm too high and old for this...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we should paint friendship bongs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
