So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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