i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
