So drunk, too bad you don't want this
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
