You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
