So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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