dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
