Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
