I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
