Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
