i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
