just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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