I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
