is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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