had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
