somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
