I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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