I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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