I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
