I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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