scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize