Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
