tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
