stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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