I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
