I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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