And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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