the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
