you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I showed him my bush... on skype.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
