Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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