Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
