somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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