The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
