Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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