dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this boner is exhausting
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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