i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
