so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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